someone told me i am this kind of person. pushing those who cares for me out of my life.

my reason: better i avoid before i get hurt.

wordless wednesday

wordless wednesday

tagged

dh lama sy x kene tag mcm ni. actually dh berkurun kwn sy ni tag sy, cuma bru sy prasan sbb bru sy baca blog dia. hehehe.. so, ni dia sy jwb soalan sebaik yg mgkn

Answer these 28 Things You Wouldn't Think To Ask. Then tag me so I can come and have a look. 

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
NOP

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coaster?
YES. ACTUALLY, IT DEPENDS ON THE TYPE OF ROLLER COASTER

3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
NEVER 

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? 
ALONE(MOST OF THE TIME)

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
NOT AT ALL 
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
WHOS THAT?!?!?!?!?! 

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
I DON'T KNOW! ~MAHER ZAIN~ HEHEHE 

9. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics?
YES.

10. Do you know how to play poker?
NOP. 

11. Have you ever been up 48 hours straight?
YES, ACTUALLY, MORE THAN 50 HOURS.

12. What's your favorite commercial?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEE_-BJF-cc&feature=fvsr 

13. Who was your first love?
MAHER ZAIN OF COURSE!!! WAIT, I THINK IT'S A.R.RAHMAN.... HMM.. 

14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run a red light?
U MEAN WHILE DRIVING MY FERRARI? OF COURSE!

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
YUP 

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
HUH?! 

17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
NOP 

18. How often do you remember your dreams?
I CAN'T REMEMBER HOW OFTEN I REMEMBER 

19. What's the one thing on your mind now?
SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPING 

20. Do you always wear your seat belt?
NOP. MY BROTHER DON'T BOTHER ANYWAY..

21. What talent do you wish you had?
DANCING 

22. Do you like Sushi?
YUP 

23. What do you wear to bed?
ALMOST EVERYTHING  

24. Do you truly hate anyone?
CURRENTLY, YES!!!!!

25. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
NOP, I CHOOSE NOBODY.

26. If you only had one day to live, what would you do with your time?
GET MARRIED

27. What food do you find disgusting?
LIZARD

28. Favorite Pizza Place?
I SIMPLY LOVE FOOD. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE


I HAVE NO IDEA WHY NUMBER 5 IS MISSING!!! WELL IF U NOTICE...

My childhood

*AMARAN! POST INI SANGAT PANJANG

Saya nk mulakan dgn kisah abng sy. Sy x igt masa dia PMR or SPM.  Abng sy tgh ddk kt exam hall untuk paper agama Islam. Memandangkan pengawas peperiksaan dri skolah lain, diorng x kenal calon peperiksaan sume. N pengawas peperiksaan tu bgi paper pendidikan moral kat abng sy….

Saya xau kenapa orng yg jumpa sy akn terbayang childhood sy yg seronok n sy dilayan mcm princess n bagaikan kanak2 yg bertuah minta apa je blh dpt. U never know. Sy pon xkan komen lebih. Iye kan je la. Saya x prnh byk bercerita psl childhood sy, sbb tu bukan something yg sy nk t’igat kembali or itu bukan something yg sy nk share dgn orng or nk orng tau. Tapi hari ni, sepanjang perjalanan dri rumah sy ke kolej, sy hanya terbayang kenangan pahit zaman kanak2 sy. X bersembang dgn abng sy pon. Ntah kenapa hari ni, sy tergerak untuk menulis psl childhood sy.

Saya kanak2 yg sgt gemuk. Kat situlah mulanya segala masalah saya. Masa sy kecik, sy geng dgn abng sy 2 orng tu. Klu bukan diorng, sy akn main masak2 or main patung sorng2. Saya x byk main dgn kawan prmpn sy sbb sy gemuk=buruk n selekeh. N diorng sume kurus=cantik.  Klu main masak2 dgn diorng, keje saya cari daun n batu n pasir untuk diorng masak. Klu saya main zero point (permainan guna tali) sy akn jadi pemegang tali sbb sapepon xnk geng dgn sy sbb sy xleh lompat tinggi2 n cepat kalah.

Ramai yg tahu sy x suka sukan. X ramai yg tau kenapa. Kat sekolah dlu, sume orng wajib ambik bahagian dlm latihan lari 100 meter untuk pemilihan wakil. Sy akn dipaksa lari n sy akn jdi orng yg jauh tertinggal di belakang n orng akn gelakkan sy. Sy hanya layak masuk dlm acara tarik tali. Sy minat bola jaring, tapi slalu gagal dlm pemilihan sbb sy x boleh lari walaupon sy jdi orng plng byk jaringan gol. Or maybe sbb saiz sy. Orng x yakin dgn sy

Sy dh try bgitau parents sy yg sy jdi bahan ejekan sume orng. Orng kata sy gemuk ditambah lgi dengan beberapa perkataan di belakang. Sy dh cuba buat parents sy faham saya nk kurangkan berat badan. Tapi parents saya x faham. Diorng just kata sbb budak2 yg ejek sy tu jahat n srh sy jgn kwn dgn diorng. Sy dgr ckp parents sy and I end up without any friends during my school days. Sy Cuma ada sorng je kawan. Sorng indian. Dia jelah kwn sy sampai sy darjah 6 n even sampai skrng. Sejak tu, klu sape2 ejek saya, gelakkan sy, or sy sakit hati dgn sape2, sy just akn ddk kt blkng bangunan sekolah n nangis sorng2 sepuas-puasnya sebelum sy balik rumah.

Maybe sbb tu sy prefer lepak dgn abng sy 2 orng tu je. Ikut panjat pagar, panjat pokok, tangkap berudu, racing basikal, sy buat sume keje yg abng2 sy buat. Sbb diorng x ejek sy, diorng x gelakkan sy. N diorng x menyisihkan sy dlm apa jua aktiviti yg diorng buat. X mcm main dgn bdk2 perempuan.

Kenapa bahasa melayu sy teruk? Sbb sy x suka berkawan dgn orng melayu time zaman skolah rendah dulu.. Time sy skolah rendah sy hampir anti dgn orng melayu. Sekolah rendah, mostly sy bersembang dgn bdk2 india. Naik skolah menengah sy bergaul dgn bdk2 cina. Bukan saje xnk bergaul, bersebab.

Zaman sekolah rendah, sy paling benci musim thaipusam. Kat kampung saya ada perarakan berhala india yg diorng tarik keliling kampong. Musim thaipusam, bdk2 melayu akn mula panggil sy keling. Sy xtau dri mana wujud perkataan keling n apa maksud dia. Even orng yg slalu ejek sy keling pon xtau apa maksud dia. Diorng kata sy sengaja dtng skolah pakai tudung padahal sy akn pecahkan kelapa (salah satu aktiviti orng india time thaipusam) n sembah berhala n letak tanda kat dahi n macam2 lagi.

Sy xkan ada kawan time subjek pendidikan islam. Saya paling benci subjek tu, sbb sy akn sorng2 n sunyi. Mgkn dri situ sy blaja untuk sorng2 n x bergantung pada sape2. Diorng kata sy busuk. sy… cukup di sini, sy x rsa nk crita sume benda. Biar sy je yg tau.

Sy blaja bergaul dgn orng melayu pon lps masuk matriks. Sy ada roommate sy yg plng rapat dgn sy slalu kata bahasa melayu sy mcm bahasa tamil, tapi dia x prnh gelakkan sy, dia akn betulkan bahasa sy n akn back up sy klu sy tersalah sebut n orng gelakkan sy.

Sy x prnh gelakkan orng or ejek orng. Klu niat utk bergurau pon sekejap je, sy try x ungkit balik lps tu. Sbb sy tau apa kesan ejekan n gelakkan pd seseorang. Kesan dia adalah sy, manusia yg berhati batu, yg slalu memekakkan telinga dgn kata2 orng, yg kurang rsa belas kasihan. Sy x dpt childhood yg spatutnya indah penuh dgn kenangan manis, yg sume orng rindu. Sy x prnh nk t’igt pon zaman childhood sy. Cuma sejak beberapa hari ni sy terigt balik sbb beberapa insiden. Bak kata roommate sy (sy xtau betul ke tak) parut kembali berdarah.

Saya ada lgi satu kisah. Kisah sy ambik 5A dlm UPSR n bertaubat n berjanji dgn diri sendiri xkan ambik straight A dlm mna2 exam pon dlm hidup sy lps UPSR tu. Klu ada masa n kerajinan, sy crita psl insiden tu plak. 

Proud of me