Predetermined???

Sekarang musim semua orang tanya bila saya nk kawen. setiap kali pegi mana2 family function mmg akan rasa menyesal tahap maksimum. yg terbaru minggu ni ada orang panggil saya anak dara tua. yes i'm 24 and someone already called me anak dara tua. tgkla bertapa sempitnya otak sesetengah ahli keluarga saya. shame on you people.....

jawapan ikhlas saya kepada mereka yg tny soalan mcm tu adalah 'mind your own business' tapi kan x elok jawab mcm tu, so skrng sy ada jawapan baru, "sila tanya ALLAH"

it's funny how people behave these days. dengan adanya advanced technology manusia mula rasa diri mereka tuhan. mereka mungkin fikir semua perkara kat dunia ni predetermined. contohnya kalau tgk orang mengandung, kita selalu tny bila due. mmg sekarang dh boleh anggarkan tarikh seseorang dilahirkan. lebih hebat lagi sekarang boleh pilih tarikh mereka mahu lahirkan anak.

just sebab kita boleh go around and ask about birth it doesn't mean you can ask about someone's death isn't it? pernah x nampak orang pegi kat mana2 orang tua and tanya bila mereka akn meninggal dunia? mcm orang muda xkan meninggal dunia dulu. benda tu dikatakan kurang ajar plak. sbb x elok tanya mcm tu. hidup mati ketentuan tuhan. habis sejak bila rezeki jadi ketentuan manusia?

Kalau nampak pasangan yg dh lama kawen n xd anak semua sibuk nak tanya bila nak ada anak. yg tu x kurang ajar plak kan? tu bukan ketentuan tuhan? kenapa x pegi kat diorng and just wish semoga mereka cepat dapat anak and kalau CARE sangat kenapa x berdoa terus kt Allah minta mereka dikurniakan anak? kenapa xd yg terfikr soalan bodoh mcm tu akn mengguris hati mereka?

kalau nampak graduate yg x keje lagi semua sibuk nak tanya bila nak berkerjaya. rezeki tu bukan ketentuan tuhan? mungkin orang tu dh berusaha just rezeki belum masuk. kenapa x just wish dia dimurahkan rezeki? kalau CARE sangat kenapa x berdoa kat Allah supaya dimurahkan rezeki? kenapa x tolong suggest mana2 company or cerita psl mana2 job opportunity? knp mesti semua akn cerita psl orang lain yg berjaya kat universiti and keluar terus dapat keje? atau pon cerita pasal sape2 yg lbh kurang sama umur and tengah berjaya. x sedar ke diorng percakapan mcm tu boleh membuatkan graduate tu sedih and kurang keyakinan diri?

kalau dh keje, tny bila nk kaya, tny bila nk kawen, kalau dh kawen tny bila nk ada anak, klu dh ada anak tny bila nk ada yg seterusnya, tanya bila nak haji, kalau anak dh besar tanya bila nk kawenkan anak, kalau anak dh kawen tanya bila nk dapat cucu.

dalam hal saya ni, bukankah jodoh tu ketentuan Allah? kalau CARE sangat pasal saya kenapa x doa terus? ataupon kalau nampak saya just wish semoga cepat kawen or whatsoever. perlu sangat ke tanya bila nk kawen sampai orang sekeliling dengar pas2 kutuk memilih sangat la, bila tua dh xd sape nak la and cite psl orang lain yg dh nk kawen. life saya x pernah sama dgn sape2.

saya mmg dh penat dgn orang2 mcm ni. sampai bila2 pon xkan faham and xkan insaf. saya belum desperate nak kawen. and i know hows my relationship with Allah and i believe He know whats best for me. saya x perlukan mana2 manusia untuk ajar saya whats best for me.

so people, stop acting like god and get back to the right path. nothing is predetermined in this world. everything is already planned.

Maulidur Rasul

hari ni public holiday. sy tgh ddk kt office tanpa perhatian n kasih sayang n belas kasihan boss.
sob... sob... sob...

Anyway... this morning was

AS GLOOMY AS THE PICTURE

Apart from that

bas driver melalak dlm bus sambil driver
ada bus driver parking tepi jalan n baca surat khabar tunggu orng naik bas(kalau ada)

and on the top of everything..

the road was empty. and what excites the most is this picture

yep, that is a very busy road with flyover and stuff but with zero cars. i was literally standing in the middle of the road and taking this pic.

well, i don't like where i ended this morning. which is inside this building for the rest of the day, MY OFFICE

Unfair part 2

i was watching a movie the other day. i'm not sure whats the title of the movie and i don't even know what language it is. thanks to the english subtitle.

movie tu psl 2 orng yg bercinta, tapi diorng xdpt restu utk kawen. gf ni akn dikawenkan dgn orng lain. so sementara parents dia kenalkan dia kpd lelaki pilihan keluarga tu, bf n gf tu teruskan bercinta a.k.a teman tapi mesra. gf ni still sama tapi bf ni makin lama makin menjauhi gf tu. alasan: bf tu kata nanti gf tu akn kawen n teruskan hidup bahagia dia n bf ni yg akn bersedih. so bf ni smkn kurang contact, lbh byk spend masa dgn kawan dia yg lain. movie lebih fokus kpd bf yg bersedih and gf yg hampir setiap hari cari gado ats sikap bf ni.

part yg unfair

movie lbh fokus pada bf tu yg ada support kawan2 dia sejak mula lagi, bf ni lbh byk spend masa dgn kawan2 dia, have a good time and great time sampai lupakan gf dlm sehari tu. walaupon dia sakit hati n nangis lps pgi pekawenan prmpn tu, lps tu dia ada orng utk kongsi perasaan dia n tolong dia get over it.


tapi diorng x tunjukkan part gf ni akn duduk n menunggu call or msg dri si bf setiap hari, lbh byk berseorangan n klu kluar dgn geng dia pon dia still mengharapkan pape dri bf ni. klu dia yg msg or call pon xkan ada respond sbb si bf ni tgh enjoy. diorng x tunjuk mcm mna prmpn ni rasa sunyi semakin dekat hari perkawenan tu. diorng x tunjuk mcm mna dia pendam semua rasa sakit hati dia n xboleh nk luahkan kt sape2, terpaksa memberi senyuman kt semua orang, kawen n bahagiakan ahli keluarga n sekeliling dia tapi dia yg langsung x bahagia, mcm mna dia terseksa dikeliling suami baru dia tu.

diskrimasi jantina mmg wujud sehingga ari ni n dh mmg lumrah hidup gambaran dan imej negative akn diberikan kpd prmpn n bukan lelaki.

think again, knp watak perempuan sume hantu? knp witch, ahli sihir gelap sume perempuan? knp wanita selalu digambarkan sebagai watak yg lemah sehingga ada putera yg gagah perkasa akn datang selamatkan dia?

this is gender discrimination

and this is why i hate watching stupid love stories.

The Sign

when do a woman realize that she is ready to get married?  i think most of them in my community or my culture don't. if a girl is not doing good in studies, she'll be married off after SPM. if she is doing good, then she'll get married after diploma or degree. klu dia blaja lgi lps tu nanti susah parents nak carikan sorng yg setanding pelajaran anak perempuan mereka.

to me, wedding is just another phase of life, yg sy kurang minat. sorng perempuan akn kawen, kluar dri umah parents n pegi umah mertua, berkenalan dgn hubungan baru, try sesuaikan diri kt environment baru, buat benda utk orang lain, lbh banyak bertolak ansur lebih banyak berkorban, do almost everything for the sake of the husband, dh x kluar and have fun mcm si suami or even dh jarang contact kawan (suami plak sibuk balik lmbt lps lepak dgn kawan2), and at last apa yg dia dpt ialah ayat yg sgt common and widely used by the male in 'tamil' or 'india' community, "life become hell" ataupon "hidup dh x aman or seronok mcm dulu".. to me, it's just another phase that people will stop appreciating you. satu phase yg prmpn akn diberi imej..... "headache"

dengan persepsi mcm ni, i start to think that i will never get married. i will never wanted to enter that phase of life. sy tolak segala lamaran dgn alasan yg sy boleh pk masa tu. mungkin pasangan akn bahaga utk setahun dua but after that???? "happily ever after" is just some childhood fairytale lie. with my amma getting desperate day by day, pressure from the "same mentality" people around me, age factor and so many other, i don't know if i can handle anything anymore, saya dh cuba kurung diri sy di dunia saya n x kluar pgi mana2 or contact sape, but no point.

and then this one night, saya terjaga dari tido and x boleh tidur balik. i start to think bout myself. think bout my future which is too vague, things not going on so well. akhirnya sy bentang sejadah dan menghadap Dia Yang Satu. thats the easiest way to solve anything. sy berdoa. sy berdoa minta pencerahan, untuk tunjukkan saya jalan saya, tunjukkan saya kalau sy dh bersedia.

that was a long time and i can't even remember when this things happened.

a few months back, i was alone at my room. saya manusia pelik yg xkan rasa sunyi bila saya berseorangan. most of the time i feel lonely when theres many people around me but i don't feel like belong anywhere. but i never feel lonely when i am alone. i enjoy the company of myself. i do things on my own or even start to think and figure out a few things. but on that particular day, it was different. i'm not feeling like doing anything. i was bored. i feel empty and start to think bout most of the people out there going out and celebrate but here i am sitting alone in my room and doing nothing and feeling nothing.

and right on that moment, for a split of second, just like a flash, i thought i would never have to spend a night alone or lonely if a had a man.

i was really shocked and surprised that i can feel my brain was completely blank. why on earth did i had that thought?  whats going on? i was totally lost!

after a while, somehow i know, i believe and i accept that that was the sign. i told my amma she may begin her hunt.

even now i don't know if i am ready. i don't know if thats what i want and i don't know how. but i know that it is the right thing to do.


HAPPY 2014.. i had a blast!!!

wordless wednesday

Air Detox part 2

Detox kali ni menggunakan kiwi, strawberry, lemon and mint. saya just buat sukatan sesuka hati. saya menggunakan 1 box kecik ctrawberry n 1 box kecik kiwi. potong sume, smash, masukkan ice cubes, biarkan ice cubes cair n minum.

cantikkan. time tgh buat pon dh ada bau wangi dia. tapi saya rsa x patut sy smash kiwi sbb later dia jdi mcm lendir n texture dia time minum mcm x best sgt. walaupon somehow kiwi balancekan rasa masam strawberry, still saya rasa saya dh terbyk strawberry sampai terpaksa tambah beberapa sudu gula. air detox x spatutnya ada gula. maybe sy patut guna 3/4 je strawberry dri kotak tu.

bye.