i do dream sometime. i don't simply dream for nothing. i dream to achieve it. i don't dream for very big thing, hard and almost impossible thing. i always dream for a small and simple thing. i dream for thing that i really wanted and to exist in my life. and i fight really hard for it, just the way i fight to stay in a rental house(my longest fight i guess).
i had a conversation earlier. it was about what will you do in a few years or when you have money, like a lot. listening to other, and i came to a realization that now i have reached this stage in life which i never wanted to reach. practically, i should dream no more. and it really breaks my heart.
in my culture especially in my family, my life after this is getting married. people will start to bother you to have a child ASAP. and then everything will be about going work getting back home, doing chores for your husband and children. the husband will of course have all the time in the world to do whatever they want and even hang out with their friends. or worst come to worst sit down on the couch watching tv while the wife take care of the cleaning n the baby and maybe cooking.
It's not that i don't want to get married, it's just my culture. argh! it's hard to explain.
so now, all i can do is listen to others planning bout doing this and that, smiling and giving support.
this thing gonna spoil my mood for the rest of the month.
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