finally...

i send her msg informing i'm going to 'corner'. i don't know why i send that msg. earlier, when she asked me where i am, i just replied without thinking anything. i was too busy to think of her.

then she appeared, as i thought. she don't greet me as she always do. her voice it's different. her eyes, it's 'weird'. she sits beside me and talks to me, but not looking at me. busy with the mosquito, and the mirror, and the handsome choir boy. keeps repeating not gonna tell me anything. but it bothers her a lot. not concentrating on what she is saying, her speech, it's not attractive as usual. she don't make me smile at all.

she wants to drink something. and then suddenly she leaves me, and not sure about meeting me again. i gv her clue that i might know what happened, and i don't know how she feels at the moment. she tries to ignore the word that i mention and pretend to be normal.

then we met again, coz i wanted to. she smiles and laughs, very fake one.... she is my friend, and i can differentiate her movements. i bought her the most unhealthy food at our cafe and started to walk. she started to talk. nothing surprised me. i expected some things. i asked her earlier n she denied. and now, she regrets.

she said she was afraid, may be afraid that i'll stay away from her, afraid that i won't b the same, treating her the way i used to. i don't say anything. coz i know she don't wish to hear anything. i don't know how she feels, coz i know i'll never be 'in her boat'. it's just that, i can't imagine her, facing everything alone, without a friend by her side, coz i know how much it hurts, and that was the only thing in my mind...

now she is thinking of something that don't exist anymore. imagining things. although something happened and i thought that will divert her mind for a while, but i was wrong. i can't slow down her mind... neither divert her.